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Don't look so shocked. Deep down we all knew it!

Toddler Check

On a recent flight, by recent I mean yesterday, an adorable toddler was sitting in the row behind me, kicking the back of my seat. Kids, I chuckled to myself, as my $5.00 glass of the house chardonnay fell off my tray. As I bent to pick up the cup, the flight attendants hit me with their beverage cart, visibly annoyed that I didn’t hear their “watch your elbows and toes!” warning. The adorable toddler snickered and continued battering my seat with his freakishly large feet.

I turned around, noticed the mother snoring, and smiled at the child’s pudgy sticky moon face. “Do you know where this plane is going?” I asked. “It’s going to the orphanage. Your parents don’t love you anymore. Also, you’ll be forced to beg for your food.”

It turns out that a majority of travelers surveyed believe that there should be a separate section on airplanes for families, like in the baggage compartment or overhead bins. According to Maritz Research and the Association for Canadian Studies, 730 of 1,000 people polled would rather get in a car with Donald Trump than sit near kids. And the families traveling with children tend to agree.

Megan Stackhouse from Virginia said that “as a mother of four, I have to say that a family-friendly section on a plane would be a welcome addition. When we had toddlers, we got so tired of the grumpy looks and unkind comments from people who either never had kids or who forgot that they were once kids themselves. Keeping a baby, toddler or preschooler happy and quiet for hours and confined in a cramped space is unbelievably STRESSFUL.”

Oh please. No one MADE you have those brats.

An AP story last week reported that Southwest Airlines may be considering family-only sections – however, Southwest said that’s not true. Instead, they’re testing new ways to board passengers. Well, that would be a welcome change. Do you know how frustrating it is to watch the families with their snotty kids board before everyone else? They say “parents traveling with small children” but I’ve seen many parents board early with their 16-year-olds. It’s almost as infuriating as those Central Market parking spaces designated for parents with small children.

Still, parents seem to believe that it’s the non-breeders with the problem, not them. Take Ken Riley from Missouri. “Since when did people have the right to expect children to always behave? I’m a 40-year-old guy that has one child but has traveled on planes and sat in restaurants with many children and I’m sick and tired of the belly-aching done by people who forget what it’s like to be a kid or to have kids.” 

Really.  Mr. Riley, I'd say from about the time you all expected to have the right to walk into a bar and tell me I can't smoke my cigar. But, yes, you’re right. Anyone who’s annoyed by your ill-behaved child must not have kids. Or they were smart enough to drug them with triamedic cough syrup.  Take your pick.

Thank you Google

Google may be tightly linked the National Security Agency (NSA), otherwise know as the nerds that like reading our e-mail and listening to our phone calls, but their apps are very useful and economical. In the spirit of full disclosure I do own Google stock, and this blog is published using a Google tool. No, not the tool between the chair and the keyboard. I am talking about Blogger.

The real reason I thank Google is their set of Software As a Service (SAS) apps that they provide, supported through advertisement. One of the services is Google Talk with voice service. This service now includes free phone calls to any US phone number. Sorry President Clinton, 1-900 numbers are not included. But what it does include is my wife's phone number. So while I am out of the country, I am still in touch anywhere I can find an open WIFI connection. That has come in handy, not just because of the expense of calling the US from Uruguay. But because of the hassle of figuring out what 12 digit passcode I need to enter after dialing the international trunking number, the country code, and the billing code.

So what if the NSA was able to more easily listen into the phone call than if I had used a calling card. I have no secrets to keep from the government. That does not mean that I am happy to let them eavesdrop whenever they wish. I still make sure that I can send encrypted messages whenever I want. Plus I have an encrypted connection to my server at home anytime I need to share private files with my wife. So let the things that are open remain open, but be ready to encrypt when you you need to.

Enough geek talk. Thank you Google. You have made my life easier.

Obama Care: Year One

Between the French invasion of Libya and Historic Leader's South American vacation tour you might not of noticed any fanfare regarding Free Heath are for ALL. Oh wait, now he says he never said it was going to be free?  I guess we haven't got around to reading the bill to find out what's in it.

In any case, there finally IS something to help the Health of the Nation.  Researchers have finally made the link between regular sex and better physical health. Not necessarily “regular sex,” but “sex on a regular basis.” You could be having crazy kinky Duncanvillian blogtastic sex for all I care. And you probably are. Perverts.

Engaging in intercourse with your significant other at least once per week provides a number of physiological benefits, such as longevity, pain relief, and, OOPS!, babies! Engaging in weekly intercourse while you’re single, however, can only lead to heartbreak and despair.

So here are the supposed perks of regular sexual activity.

1. Sex Fights Colds and Flu. Sex can raise the body’s level of the immune-boosting antibody immunoglobin A. If anyone in your office is sneezing, they’re probably frigid.
2. Sex is a Beauty Treatment. Studies have shown that people who are having sex like rabbits (four times a week!) look seven to 12 years younger than they really are. Lots of sex raises a woman’s estrogen level, which helps make hair shiny and skin supple. I think the folks at Oil of Oley have been trying to keep this under wraps for years.
3. Sex Burns Calories. A whopping four calories a minute, or the equivalent of four Hershey’s kisses in a half hour.  Hey Babe, how about some chocolate
4. Honey, I Have a Headache. Sex cures headaches. Cancer too.
5. Sex Promotes Regular Menstrual Cycles. Yeah, but can it get rid of the menstrual cycle? Oh. Wait.
6. Sex Can Prevent Accidents. PEEING accidents. Gross. As women age, the muscles of the pelvic floor are weakened, and these are the same muscles exercised during intercourse. So if you're Speaker Bohner, I'd be getting a new  chair at the speakers podium ASAP.  There ain't NO way anyone has been near Nancy Pelosi's, uh, legal underpinnings since the mid 70's.

Last Day of Summer

Sunday was the last day of summer here in the south. Today I get my first rainy day of the trip. So I am trying to catch up on my reading and writing.

The last day of summer was a celebration in Montevideo. It seemed like half of the city was hanging out on the Rambla drinking mate, people watching, and hanging out with friends.

The Ranbla is the road that runs along the beach. On the beach side of the road there are wide sidewalks and a low wall that makes a great bench.

Mate, pronounced mātey; rhymes with pate, is a traditional South American tea drink. The tea leaves are poured loosely into a stylized gourd cup, and hot water is poured into the tea leaves. To avoid drinking the mate leaves, the straw has a bulb like end with small holes.

On an average walk around Uruguay I have seen one in 10 to 20 people with a thermos under their arm, and a mate cup in their hands. There is also an over the shoulder mate kit bag, usually made of leather, that I have seen frequently.

Drinking mate is also a social event. People will not only drink mate in groups, they will pass the cup around to all of their friends.

On the last day of summer there was not only the standard beach events, pickup games of soccer, volleyball, and frisbee, but there were carnival rides, face painting, and other country fair like activities.

In one park I saw two inventive kids sliding down the hill on cardboard. That reminds me that people are still skiing in Idaho. Soon it will be hiking season again.

As the locals were saying goodbye to summer, I was happily thinking this is not the end of summer 2011, but just the beginning of spring in the north. I am looking forward to months of great weather in Boise.

ID 4 (TX)

So the voter ID bill is being debated on the floor of the Texas House (you can view it live right here).  The incredible shrinking Dem caucus will be offering up thousands, if not tens of thousands, of amendments, points-of-order, and temper tantrums in a vain attempt to stall the measure or at least until they can flee to that safe haven of Rockford, Illinois.  OMG Road Trip!

Republican supporters of voter ID, including the Republican Hispanic Conference, claim that the legislation will prevent voter fraud and that ago old tradition of keep the polls open in Houston and El Paso long enough to "catch up" in those rare closely contested elections.  Democrat opponents of the bill say that the legislation will target the “elderly,” known as “voting by dead people,” and disenfranchise "minority voters" aslo know as "illegal aliens."

You have to show an ID in order to check out a library book, turn on utilities, and, OMG file for unemployment insurance and "benefits", I don't see what the big deal is.  Unless you're engaged in voter fraud?  Me thinks they doth protest too much!

Hotel California

This is a place I don't want to stay
I have heard the Eagle's song
My Uruguayan holiday
Should not last that long