Toddler Check

On a recent flight, by recent I mean yesterday, an adorable toddler was sitting in the row behind me, kicking the back of my seat. Kids, I chuckled to myself, as my $5.00 glass of the house chardonnay fell off my tray. As I bent to pick up the cup, the flight attendants hit me with their beverage cart, visibly annoyed that I didn’t hear their “watch your elbows and toes!” warning. The adorable toddler snickered and continued battering my seat with his freakishly large feet.

I turned around, noticed the mother snoring, and smiled at the child’s pudgy sticky moon face. “Do you know where this plane is going?” I asked. “It’s going to the orphanage. Your parents don’t love you anymore. Also, you’ll be forced to beg for your food.”

It turns out that a majority of travelers surveyed believe that there should be a separate section on airplanes for families, like in the baggage compartment or overhead bins. According to Maritz Research and the Association for Canadian Studies, 730 of 1,000 people polled would rather get in a car with Donald Trump than sit near kids. And the families traveling with children tend to agree.

Megan Stackhouse from Virginia said that “as a mother of four, I have to say that a family-friendly section on a plane would be a welcome addition. When we had toddlers, we got so tired of the grumpy looks and unkind comments from people who either never had kids or who forgot that they were once kids themselves. Keeping a baby, toddler or preschooler happy and quiet for hours and confined in a cramped space is unbelievably STRESSFUL.”

Oh please. No one MADE you have those brats.

An AP story last week reported that Southwest Airlines may be considering family-only sections – however, Southwest said that’s not true. Instead, they’re testing new ways to board passengers. Well, that would be a welcome change. Do you know how frustrating it is to watch the families with their snotty kids board before everyone else? They say “parents traveling with small children” but I’ve seen many parents board early with their 16-year-olds. It’s almost as infuriating as those Central Market parking spaces designated for parents with small children.

Still, parents seem to believe that it’s the non-breeders with the problem, not them. Take Ken Riley from Missouri. “Since when did people have the right to expect children to always behave? I’m a 40-year-old guy that has one child but has traveled on planes and sat in restaurants with many children and I’m sick and tired of the belly-aching done by people who forget what it’s like to be a kid or to have kids.” 

Really.  Mr. Riley, I'd say from about the time you all expected to have the right to walk into a bar and tell me I can't smoke my cigar. But, yes, you’re right. Anyone who’s annoyed by your ill-behaved child must not have kids. Or they were smart enough to drug them with triamedic cough syrup.  Take your pick.