Hodie bibim ergo sum

Honestly. If ABC wanted an engaging debate over a set if issues they've failed. Miserably.

Final lame assed question of the night from Dianne Sawyer. You're all a bunch of Republican meany pants McGoo's. Let's all hear you say something nice about someone else on stage.

Santorum. Thanks for the tapes, Newt.

Perry. Paul told me about the federal reserve. It's cool.

Romney. Ron Paul can assemble crazies like no other.

Newt. Kisses IA Gov's ass.

Paul. Glad to see you're with me, bitches.

Michelle. Likes her some Herman Cain. Anderson Cooper immediately dispatched to see if she's had her some sweet dark chocolate

And that's a wrap. Cheers!

Just How Do You Feel Our Pain

9:21. Heart string media question #3,214 What have *YOU* cut back in your lives you big rich GOP meanies

9:22. Perry. I grew up poor. Anita has the credits.

9:23. Romney. I'm rich. I'm rich, bitch.

9:24. Paul. My wife's a doctor. (pill lady)

9:25. Santorum. Families aren't a luxury I'll give up

9:27. Michelle B. we're coupon clippers

9:29. 70% of Yahooligans aka Paultards want to hear why Newt and Romney are bigger socialists than Obama

9:31. Dianne says she was in a pharmacy right before the debate OMG that explains *SO* much

9:32. Iowa is the healthiest state in the nation. Go Corn!

The Mid East Muddle

9:10 Michelle B has totally done Botox

9:11. Perry points out that the real problem is the fact Obamas head is up his butt. Best applause line tonight.

I don't know what ABC is paying Diane and Georgie but they're being ripped off. This debate is a disorganized mess.

Cocktail time!

3 oz Hendricks gin
1 oz cucumber purée
1/2 oz simple syrup
Delish!!

Faith. Family. And Fernando

8:49. Perry says a commitment with God is stronger than a handshake in Texas. So is Anita's aim, so he's good.

8:51. Ron Paul. Still Crazy

8:52. Michelle's husband has perfected the Nancy Reagan nod.

8:55. Newt. I'm a man of many faiths, wives, but never will have a late night pizza fling in the oval office.

8:53. Newt on citizen review boards for illegals: we'll let you keep your housekeeper. He also doesn't believe 3.2 million illegals have been her for 20 years. Clearly he's never been to California

8:58. Romney. Doesn't want any Mexican magnets. Perry gives him the stink eye.

9:00. Perry. Secure the borders, bitches. Best thing said all night.

9:02. Ron Paul. F@ck the world and obsesses about the Ottoman Empire.

9:05. Newt makes a good point on the Palestinians. They're nuts. Nuff said.

Let's hear this positions on cigars.

Commercial Break

You'd think after eleven debates our field would be better at this. Who'd think that blogging via iPhone with a martini could be so hard.

Diane says we're going to talk illegals and family values. Here we go....

Drunk blogging Iowa

Dear Sen Rubio:

Uh, I don't know if you're watching this debate. But...Run. Run now.

Xoxo

All of Us

8:40. I ran. I won. (and was voted out ).

8:41. Michelle wants 16 more GOP senators.

8:42 George Stephenapolus is liberal. With time. Har Har Har

Drunk Blogging. The 2nd Round

8:20. Romney gives a good talk against entitlement society. The starts in on Newts lunar colonies. Huh

8:21. Newt. Mitt you'd be a career politician...if you could win (hisss).

8:24. I guess this is the Newt v Romney debate.

8:25 Mitt. I couldn't make the NFL. Didn't make the senate.

8:26. Stephenopolus: let's bring in Ron Paul. Cuz he's crazy

8:27. Ron Paul. Y'all are all whores. (Paultards in audience go wild)

8:28. Newt. I'm not a lobbyist. I get paid to get advice.

8:29. I'm not sure I'd Perry is still on stage.

8:30. Michelle: Newt/Romney

8:31 the time rules are out the window

8:33. Romney: I'm not Newt

8:34. Newt. Me either

8:35. Perry is coming in too little too late

8:36. Obamacare is an Obamanation. I'll kick his *ss

Drunk blogging the Iowa Debate.

Fake snow in Iowa. Very classy

8:00. George I'm Impartial Stephenopolus looks dweebie. Diane sawyer is channeling Martha Stewart. Let's get started

No opening statements. Woot!

Newt kicks off: I worked with Reagan aka I'm the conservative. I worked with Clinton (wah?) vote for me

8:04 Mitt is in business. And he has the best hair (Perry gives the stink eye)

8:06. Ron Paul is crazy. Don't know what question he's answering.

8:08 Perry can draw a line between DC and Wall Street. Don't mess with Texas

8:09. Bachman. Win win win. 9 9 9 Rah Rah Rah

8:11. Santorum is still in the race?? Guess so. Doesn't need a no slinkin eurocrats

8:13. Michelle B is a tax attorney. And is the only person who knows what's in the social security lock box.

8:15 Mitt Obama is all about band aids and gasoline. Golf joke. Oolong snap

8:17. Stephie Stephonopolis is allowed to speak to Santorum

8:18. Ron Paul is still crazy. Cut off.

Word to the Wise

Lowering the Bar

The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission has been cracking down on public intoxication recently. So what’s the problem, you say? Well, they’ve actually been going into bars and clubs to arrest people. In Texas this is the equivalent of taking away a person’s guns or saying high school football is stupid. Thus the TABC has been flowed with complaints, and not just from yours truly for a change.

State Rep. Kino Flores heads an oversight committee that is looking into the matter. Flores had asked the TABC to halt the crackdown, but his request was denied because he wrote it on a cocktail napkin. “We are proud of the work our men and women do for Texas, but are equally concerned when we hear complaints from the Legislature, I mean public,” TABC Administrator Alan Steen wrote Monday in a letter to Flores.
Houston Sen. John Whitmire, who used to chair the Senate Criminal Justice Committee, also supports a review of the program. “I do believe, if run properly, with good judgment, it can be a public safety program that a majority of Texans would support,” he said. And by ‘majority of Texans’ he meant ‘Baptists.’

An incident in Irving involving two patrons arrested in a hotel bar sparked much of the public outcry. A check of the arrest report showed that those two had been overserved, a concept I don’t quite understand myself, but so be it. The woman was ‘taking her shirt off and shaking her bikini-clad breasts at customers.’ Oh the horror?!?

The male patron “spoke up loudly to encourage the female taking her shirt off” and then said, ‘I’ve seen better tits on a blogger!’ That’s just mean. Other behavior included men finding women more attractive than they actually were, and women holding their friends’ hair while they puked.

The crackdown has led to more than 2,200 arrests over the past 7 months. When asked if the TABC planned to target The Cloak Room during the upcoming special session, Steen replied, “Are you f*cking crazy?”

Big Starbucks

I’ve already documented my distaste for local coffee shops and my preference for corporate coffee. (Oh, yes I did, #occupyWhateverLameAssedCityYou’re In)  Yes, there’s a Starbucks on every corner, and if there isn’t a Starbucks, there’s a soon-to-be-Starbucks- acquisition Seattle’s Best.

And children are the necaffeine-addicted freaks  who call Starbucks home. (P.S. Get out of my house and take your Horizon organic milk with you.)

Starbucks has insisted for years that it does not market its delicious beverages to children, despite the subliminal messages on Venti cups tailored for 15-year-old boys that “coffee gets you laid” and “Frappuccinos are a turn-on.” The 15-year-old girls get cups that say “girls who don’t drink coffee die alone” and “decaf is for brunettes.”

Personally I see nothing wrong with children drinking coffee. I think it should start in the womb. Pregnant women giving up coffee and wine and blogging makes no sense to me.