Drunk blogging Iowa

Dear Sen Rubio:

Uh, I don't know if you're watching this debate. But...Run. Run now.

Xoxo

All of Us

8:40. I ran. I won. (and was voted out ).

8:41. Michelle wants 16 more GOP senators.

8:42 George Stephenapolus is liberal. With time. Har Har Har

Drunk Blogging. The 2nd Round

8:20. Romney gives a good talk against entitlement society. The starts in on Newts lunar colonies. Huh

8:21. Newt. Mitt you'd be a career politician...if you could win (hisss).

8:24. I guess this is the Newt v Romney debate.

8:25 Mitt. I couldn't make the NFL. Didn't make the senate.

8:26. Stephenopolus: let's bring in Ron Paul. Cuz he's crazy

8:27. Ron Paul. Y'all are all whores. (Paultards in audience go wild)

8:28. Newt. I'm not a lobbyist. I get paid to get advice.

8:29. I'm not sure I'd Perry is still on stage.

8:30. Michelle: Newt/Romney

8:31 the time rules are out the window

8:33. Romney: I'm not Newt

8:34. Newt. Me either

8:35. Perry is coming in too little too late

8:36. Obamacare is an Obamanation. I'll kick his *ss

Drunk blogging the Iowa Debate.

Fake snow in Iowa. Very classy

8:00. George I'm Impartial Stephenopolus looks dweebie. Diane sawyer is channeling Martha Stewart. Let's get started

No opening statements. Woot!

Newt kicks off: I worked with Reagan aka I'm the conservative. I worked with Clinton (wah?) vote for me

8:04 Mitt is in business. And he has the best hair (Perry gives the stink eye)

8:06. Ron Paul is crazy. Don't know what question he's answering.

8:08 Perry can draw a line between DC and Wall Street. Don't mess with Texas

8:09. Bachman. Win win win. 9 9 9 Rah Rah Rah

8:11. Santorum is still in the race?? Guess so. Doesn't need a no slinkin eurocrats

8:13. Michelle B is a tax attorney. And is the only person who knows what's in the social security lock box.

8:15 Mitt Obama is all about band aids and gasoline. Golf joke. Oolong snap

8:17. Stephie Stephonopolis is allowed to speak to Santorum

8:18. Ron Paul is still crazy. Cut off.

Word to the Wise

Lowering the Bar

The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission has been cracking down on public intoxication recently. So what’s the problem, you say? Well, they’ve actually been going into bars and clubs to arrest people. In Texas this is the equivalent of taking away a person’s guns or saying high school football is stupid. Thus the TABC has been flowed with complaints, and not just from yours truly for a change.

State Rep. Kino Flores heads an oversight committee that is looking into the matter. Flores had asked the TABC to halt the crackdown, but his request was denied because he wrote it on a cocktail napkin. “We are proud of the work our men and women do for Texas, but are equally concerned when we hear complaints from the Legislature, I mean public,” TABC Administrator Alan Steen wrote Monday in a letter to Flores.
Houston Sen. John Whitmire, who used to chair the Senate Criminal Justice Committee, also supports a review of the program. “I do believe, if run properly, with good judgment, it can be a public safety program that a majority of Texans would support,” he said. And by ‘majority of Texans’ he meant ‘Baptists.’

An incident in Irving involving two patrons arrested in a hotel bar sparked much of the public outcry. A check of the arrest report showed that those two had been overserved, a concept I don’t quite understand myself, but so be it. The woman was ‘taking her shirt off and shaking her bikini-clad breasts at customers.’ Oh the horror?!?

The male patron “spoke up loudly to encourage the female taking her shirt off” and then said, ‘I’ve seen better tits on a blogger!’ That’s just mean. Other behavior included men finding women more attractive than they actually were, and women holding their friends’ hair while they puked.

The crackdown has led to more than 2,200 arrests over the past 7 months. When asked if the TABC planned to target The Cloak Room during the upcoming special session, Steen replied, “Are you f*cking crazy?”

Big Starbucks

I’ve already documented my distaste for local coffee shops and my preference for corporate coffee. (Oh, yes I did, #occupyWhateverLameAssedCityYou’re In)  Yes, there’s a Starbucks on every corner, and if there isn’t a Starbucks, there’s a soon-to-be-Starbucks- acquisition Seattle’s Best.

And children are the necaffeine-addicted freaks  who call Starbucks home. (P.S. Get out of my house and take your Horizon organic milk with you.)

Starbucks has insisted for years that it does not market its delicious beverages to children, despite the subliminal messages on Venti cups tailored for 15-year-old boys that “coffee gets you laid” and “Frappuccinos are a turn-on.” The 15-year-old girls get cups that say “girls who don’t drink coffee die alone” and “decaf is for brunettes.”

Personally I see nothing wrong with children drinking coffee. I think it should start in the womb. Pregnant women giving up coffee and wine and blogging makes no sense to me.

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Don't look so shocked. Deep down we all knew it!