In any case, there finally IS something to help the Health of the Nation. Researchers have finally made the link between regular sex and better physical health. Not necessarily “regular sex,” but “sex on a regular basis.” You could be having crazy kinky Duncanvillian blogtastic sex for all I care. And you probably are. Perverts.
Engaging in intercourse with your significant other at least once per week provides a number of physiological benefits, such as longevity, pain relief, and, OOPS!, babies! Engaging in weekly intercourse while you’re single, however, can only lead to heartbreak and despair.
So here are the supposed perks of regular sexual activity.
- Sex Fights Colds and Flu. Sex can raise the body’s level of the immune-boosting antibody immunoglobin A. If anyone in your office is sneezing, they’re probably frigid.
- Sex is a Beauty Treatment. Studies have shown that people who are having sex like rabbits (four times a week!) look seven to 12 years younger than they really are. Lots of sex raises a woman’s estrogen level, which helps make hair shiny and skin supple. I think the folks at Oil of Oley have been trying to keep this under wraps for years.
- Sex Burns Calories. A whopping four calories a minute, or the equivalent of four in a half hour. Hey Babe, how about some chocolate
- Honey, I Have a Headache. Sex cures headaches. Cancer too.
- Sex Promotes Regular Menstrual Cycles. Yeah, but can it get rid of the menstrual cycle? Oh. Wait.
- Sex Can Prevent Accidents. PEEING accidents. Gross. As women age, the muscles of the pelvic floor are weakened, and these are the same muscles exercised during intercourse. So if you're Speaker Bohner, I'd be getting a new chair at the speakers podium ASAP. There ain't NO way anyone has been near Nancy Pelosi's, uh, legal underpinnings since the mid 70's.
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