2012: The Anti-Choice

In case you've been living under a rock for the past two years, you might not know today is the big day.  Well, not the big day, but the first big day out of a lot of other days in campaign 2012. The first big crop of candidates have declared that they're NOT running for the White House this go round.

Indeed, the networks have been all a twitter about the great GOP Exodus.  That is to say, two candidates who have said repeatedly they're not running and one more you'd never heard of unless you live in North Dakota. Clearly this proves beyond the shadow of a doubt the great political prowess of our dear Historic Leader and the great inevitability that he alone can unite and transform a nation.  Uh  Right.  I'll take what's behind the curtain, Monty.

Maybe we're going about this all wrong.  Perhaps the best way to bring the nation together in this day and age isn't to look for a white night to lead us to the shining city on the hill.  Maybe the best thing for us to do is to elect the one candidate we all can hate the most.

To that end, I give you Ron Paul.

No, really.  It's not the liquor talking.  Hear me out on this.

It's clear that no one, including me, is all hot and bothered for anyone who might want the job.  In fact, I can't think of a time when the public has ever felt so uninspired by everyone.  Weren't we all just suckered into Change We Can Believe In?

Now think about President Paul.  Don't' worry, I'll wait until your spasm passes.  Feeling better?  Good!  Can you think of any candidate out there guaranteed to throw both parties into collective fits?  I'll bet the Honeymoon doesn't make it past the Inaugural Address.  When he moves to abolish the Federal Reserve, return to the Gold Standard, and the rest of his 1000 points of crazy the two warring sides will have no choice but to ban together to stop the lunacy.  Paul's craziness is such a haphazard and bizzare checkerboard of the ideological spectrum that neither party will have the upper hand.

There is another bright point to all of this.  Both parties will be so busy trying to keep Paul in check that they won't have the time or the energy to dream up new and creative ways to blow the national piggy bank.  They'd also be too preoccupied to meddle in our affairs as citizens.  What bliss!  I can't think of a better recipe to tell our elected representatives to buzz off.